Updated: Nov 1
One of the biggest challenges I see many single women are facing is getting a guy to actually commit to them long-term. This topic has become so popular, that I was inspired to write a book about it called, Food, Sex & Peace Of Mind: What A Woman Needs To Know To Keep A Man. There's a reason why the frustration is so great for many women, just as it would be for a man who is trying to get a specific outcome (sex) from a woman, but has been unsuccessful in doing so. You see, there is an art to being able to persuade someone to take a specific action. Without this knowledge, you may fall victim to not being rewarded with the outcome(s) your heart desires. But don't fret... once you have the knowledge, you will find that getting a man to commit to you will either be much easier or simply not possible.
Unfortunately, there is still a large quantity of women who have not yet come to fully understand men. For the woman who doesn't understand men, she will have a hard time convincing any man to commit to her. The reason for this is, in order for a man who is of high quality and value (in your eyes) to commit, he first has to be interested in commitment. Can we start there? And that doesn't mean that he will automatically ask for a commitment from day one, but he will at least have the character and integrity of a man who values commitment.
A man who does not value commitment will never be ideal for the woman who does value commitment. In my observation, study and personal experience, I've witnessed women go days, weeks, months and even years without uttering a word about family, marriage or commitment. The danger in operating this way is that the man will inevitably grow complacent, making it even harder for him to be motivated to elevate the relationship. All that to say, your standards, requirements, values and boundaries MUST be established from the very beginning.
Establishing your goals, standards, boundaries and values from day one is a golden opportunity that so many women miss out on because they are "hypnotized" or "mesmerized" by the masculine energy, special attention and magical experiences being offered by a man in the beginning stages. Not realizing that a man's initial performance is designed to make a woman (if done correctly) fall in love with him. Meanwhile, the man is in full control of his emotions because he is the master mind behind it all; his emotions are not yet activated, making it impossible for him to fall in love with you. Make sense?
So if for example, you've been seeing each other for say, one year and you're wondering where the "relationship" is going... his answer will be plain and simple. "We're just going with the flow, having fun, enjoying each other's company." Sound familiar? The reason why he's able to be so cool, calm and collected is because you haven't set any standards, requirements or boundaries for him to live up to. It's the part where he has to live up to something that will activate his emotions. If all you've been doing is showing up and taking it in every hole, without any type of actual effort being required on his part, the reality is, he does not have to elevate the relationship, because well... you haven't given him any reason to.
So how does a single woman change this? I'm so glad you asked. Below you will find a list of 5 effective ways (if done all together at once) to get a man to commit.
1) Communicate Your Desire For A Commitment From Day One
When you communicate to a man what your heart truly desires (from day one), you create an opportunity for accountability between you and the guy. There can be no accountability if there was never any discussion about wants, needs, desires and expectations. The key here is to hold fast to your values and give him an opportunity to rise to the occasion. If he rises to the occasion, you win... If he doesn't rise to the occasion, you have your definite answer and can walk away knowing you've made the best decision for yourself. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Accept your interaction with this person for exactly what it is.
2) Be Willing To Walk Away If Your Values Don't Align
When it comes to our long-term, human needs, no one wants to be alone; being in relationships with others is a human need that none of us can ignore, no matter how hard we try. However, when you come across someone who is showing you through their actions that they are not interested in cultivating a long-term relationship with you and a long-term relationship is your goal, you have to come to terms with the fact that this person is not ready, able or willing to help you achieve your goals. And with this, as hard as it may be, you have to have the strength, courage and wisdom to walk away. When you continue to invest in a person who is not fully invested in you, you send them a message that tells them they can still get more of your time whether they invest or not. By setting standards, you establish the opposite; the message you send here is that the only way you will continue to invest is if there is reciprocity.
3) Don't Be Too Available
The person you choose to settle down with has to view you as a prize that was won, not something that was just sitting on the shelf collecting dust. With this in mind, you want to take the approach of having a full life without him (or at least giving off the appearances of such). This will motivate him to establish a place in your life and prioritize you in efforts to get your time. This approach will automatically set you apart from every other woman who respond to texts right away, answers the phone on the first ring, is available for last minute dates/house visits, and has absolutely nothing else better to do with her life. If your goal is to motivate him to want to commit to you over time, you have to make him view you as someone who is highly sought after, strongly desired and requires an investment in order to gain exclusive access.
4) Date Multiple Men At Once
Dating multiple men is a smart approach to dating which allows a woman to explore a variety of different options until the best options reveals himself. Dating multiple men at the same time is a struggle for some women because they feel guilty or ashamed to play such a game. Rest assured that men are, and have always done it this way, and you are far behind the times if you haven't already started doing this. In my online course Master The Art Of Dating In Just 14 Days I have a video module that will show you how to date multiple men (respectfully).
When it comes to dating, there are a lot of obstacles that a woman will inevitably face that she absolutely cannot control. Let's say for example, you meet 5 different men on 5 different days. You find out through texting, talking or dating, that Guy #1 takes forever to respond to texts, Guy #2 doesn't have a lot of money so he can't afford to date, Guy #3 is dating multiple women and doesn't have a lot of free time, Guy #4 travels a lot for work, and Guy #5 is only looking for sex. That's 5 different men in the blink of an eye who may or may not be easily accessible to you, which is why you need to date as many men as you can until you attract one who has proven to be ideal for your life.
A couple of added benefits to this is that each guy will sense they are not the only one you are dating, which is perfect! You want them to feel a sense of F.O.M.O. (Fear Of Missing Out) so they can prioritize you, pursue you and court you, as if you are a prize to be won. This increases their desire for you when they notice your time is limited, as well as access to your body. They will want to do something to change the nature of the relationship, which is exactly what you want.
5) Speak His Love Language
For starters, every man's love language is physical touch; I think we can all agree that this is pretty indisputable across the board. Having the affection of a woman is something men crave and are often deprived of, which is why they primarily seek out women to experience this particular aspect of a woman. The good news is that there are so many ways to speak this language without actually engaging in sexual intercourse. For example: hand holding, a caress of the arm or leg, a warm hug, a passionate kiss, or even a massage. These are all forms of physical touch that sends a signal to a man that says "I like you", "I want you", "I'm romantically attracted to you".
If you are not sending a man these signals, the way he will register this information is that you don't like him, you don't want him and you are not romantically attracted to him. Which is not a motivated factor for a man when choosing someone to commit to. If your goal is to inspire him to commit to you, you have to speak his love language.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Comment below.
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