Just for the record, there is absolutely nothing wrong with a person choosing to be single. In fact, one of my favorite quotes from my book Food, Sex & Peace Of Mind: What A Woman Needs To Know To Keep A Man is "Being single is the thing you do when you are establishing/finding yourself and/or when you haven't met someone who meets your standards." What that means is if the people who are coming into your life aren't worthy of your time, energy and effort, then single is exactly where you should be. However, if you are single for reasons that are within your control, that's a totally different story.
I often joke about women who spend most of their time at home and seldom come outside, as if men are going to come banging down their doors to take them out on a date. Quite the contrary; they will simply miss out on the opportunity. Granted there are instances where staying home, healing and working on yourself is required. If you are in the discovery phase of your life, carry on with your spiritual journey. The same is true for studying men; in this phase of your life, I recommend showing as your absolute best self so that the men you attract are a reflection of you.
Now before you get excited and start taking your single girlfriend's advice about jumping back onto the dating scene without an actual plan, take a deep breath and pause. The first thing you need to understand about dating is (to men), dating is all a game. If you want to win at the game of dating, you have to know the rules, and you have to know how to play. Successful dating is an art and requires a certain level of knowledge, power and skill. I call this "Getting Back In The Dating Game". In my online course Master The Art Of Dating In Just 14 Days, I have a video that walks you through how to get back in the dating game, and another video on how to play to win.
So why are so many women still single? Research shows that there are a lot of women who are simply unsatisfied with the quality of the options they are attracting. Some have experienced great disappointment, rejection and abandonment at the hands of men, that the fight for a relationship doesn't seem as appealing anymore. Some have found it safer to be alone than to be with a man, and that's just saddening and unfortunate to hear. For the reasons listed above, there isn't much a woman can do about those particular circumstances, except set higher standards and not settle for less than what she wants.
Which leads me to my list of 6 reasons why so many women are still single.
1) You're Not Proactively Dating
Before we talk about proactive dating, lets define what dating actually is. Dating is when two individuals mutually agree to have an in person experience together, for the sole purpose of nurturing their initial point of interest. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, the proactive dater is someone who actively seeks opportunities to meet new people with the intent of getting to know them and eventually dating. To be a proactive dater, you have to always expect to meet someone new, everywhere you go, which means looking and smelling good, and having a positive mental attitude at all times. It also means saying yes to invitations men are extending you, which gives you more practice in the dating field.
2) You Fish In The Wrong Ponds
When it comes to the men you date, one very important thing to remember is to protect the places you frequent at all costs. It might be tempting to date someone from your local gym, from your building, from your church, from your job, or from your local grocery store, but I'm here to tell you that these are not the best ponds to fish in. The reason is because your reputation, your sanity and your peace of mind is more important than the convenience of being romantically involved with someone local. If things don't work out, that person will still be local and so will the stories that will be told about you. Not to mention, if these local men are trying to pick you up, there's a great chance that they may also be doing the same with other women from your local circle. #ConflictOfInterest
A better approach would be to visit a church somewhere you don't normally go, or be a guest at another gym, or go to a grocery store outside of your neighborhood, etc. The benefit of doing so is you will always be the new girl at each and every one of these places. The men who see you for the first time will be excited by your presence, as they are very likely to be tired/bored of the locals, which makes you a hot commodity. The chances of your interactions with dating men who are not in your local community getting back to your inner circle are greatly reduced with this new approach.
3) You're Not Flirting With Men (At All)
Know that men are constantly looking for new woman to pursue; there is never a day where this does not occur. However, there are certain signs that a man looks for in a women (energetically) that prompts him to want to walk over to a woman, introduce himself, engage her in conversation and want to exchange numbers and set up a date. A few of these signs are eye contact, smiling, and engaging in meaningful conversation. The more you do this throughout your everyday life, I guarantee you will see a drastic change in the quality and quantity of dating offers you'll receive, which over time could potentially lead to a relationship.
If you're not giving a man any positive energy, he is 100% right for not approaching you and giving you positive energy because well... you haven't done anything to deserve it. But once you start sending more positive energy to the men you want to attract, you will see a night and day change in the amount of positive energy you get back from men.
4) You Don't Know What Your Ideal Mate Is
Ok, most people don't know what their ideal mate is because they don't yet know themselves. This is why I highly recommend taking a spiritual journey to figure out who you are, what you like and what you need before getting back on the dating scene. It's so easy to fall into the trap of entertaining someone romantically because of boredom or loneliness, but these relationships never last because deep down inside you know this person isn't ideal for your life.
The more you take the time to learn more about yourself, the easier it will be to discern who is and who isn't right for you, without wasting years of your life trying to figure it out. After experiencing past disappointments from men you don't want, creating your ideal mate in your mind should be that much easier. The ideal mate you've created in your heart and mind is the man you should be aiming to attract. Instead of leaving your love life to chance, take a bow and arrow approach and hit the mark directly on the bullseye by knowing exactly what you want and taking the necessary steps to get it.
What I highly recommend for ALL single woman is to learn how to attract your ideal mate, which is something I teach in my exclusive coaching program Learn How To Attract Your Ideal Mate In Just 90 Days.
5) You Don't Know Where To Find Your Ideal Mate
There's nothing worse than wanting something really badly and not knowing where to go to satisfy your needs. It really doesn't matter what that thing is... it could be a high end piece of furniture, a designer outfit or a delicious meal that you want to experience. Wouldn't it be dreadful to not know where to go to get the experience? Fortunately in the examples listed above, we can simply google the answer and quickly find it. As for an ideal mate however, understand that this person isn't someone you notice at first glance and will automatically know that it's "him". No! Your ideal mate is discovered over time!
You will know he is your ideal mate not solely based off the first few minutes of meeting him. While that first few minutes is extremely important, it's more important of the consistency of that individual over time. And this is where so many women drop the ball. Either they give a man too much time and he doesn't match up, or he wasn't given enough time to match up. The point is, in order for you to find your ideal mate, you have to be looking inside of him. For example: What food does your ideal mate like? Is he a smoker? A drinker? An athlete? A reader? The more you get inside his head, the more accurate your "GPS" will be.
6) You Waste Your Time With Ineligible Men
Ladies, you have to know when to throw the towel in. There are so many signs from the very beginning that will let you know that a man is not the one for you. The longer you stay, the greater the disappointment and the more severe the heartache will be. Leaving you single, sometimes angry, sometimes bitter, sometimes resentful... all of which affect the amount of time you potentially remain single.
There are some men who are only meant to be in your life for a season. Once that season has ended, you have to learn how to adjust or get left behind. The most important thing to remember when engaging someone for short-term purposes is to acknowledge that they are only for short-term purposes. Confusing the nature of the relationship only leads to greater disappointment, heartbreak and anguish. To avoid getting emotionally invested in ineligible men, hold yourself accountable by creating your ideal mate today and only investing your time in him.
What are your thoughts on this topic? Comment below.
If you are a single woman who wants to learn how to attract your ideal mate, our coaching program is for you. In this program, we teach single women how to attract their ideal mate in just 90 days through our proven, logical, and practical approach. And we believe they will also work for you. Spots are limited. To learn more and to apply go to www.AttractMyIdealMate.com