Here's Why The Men Aren't Approaching You
Updated: Mar 20
One of the most frequently asked questions I receive is "Where do I go to meet single men?" and I always response with this. It's not about a particular place that a woman needs to go to meet quality men, it's about what you are doing to attract or repel men to or from you. For men, there are three main reasons why he will take it upon himself to approach a woman, and that is 1) By invitation 2) Curiosity and/or personal interest 3) By sheer sexual desire. The great news for women is that there is a golden opportunity to attract men in any of these three ways.
If there is nothing peaking his interest or curiosity (which can be orchestrated by you), that's one opportunity lost. If he's not personally invited to interact with you, that's another opportunity lost. And lastly, if he doesn't feel any sexual energy exuding from you, there goes the last chance to get his attention and show him who you truly are. What's important to remember about men is that men are almost always open to personal invitation, always curious about the opposite sex and always interested in sexual stimulation.
Without these three elements, it is nearly impossible to grab a man's attention upon first sight, which is what you will need to get him to come and approach you. Understand? In my book Food, Sex & Peace Of Mind: What A Woman Needs To Know To Keep A Man, there is a strong emphasize on the way men think, how to get and keep man's attention. When it comes to a man approaching you however, it is less likely that you will get the opportunity to use food to lure him to you, so in this article, I'm going to reveal more ideal approaches that will attract more men to you.
1) You Travel In Packs
When you show up to places with multiple female friends, the first thing to comes to mind (for the man) is "Waiting To Exhale". When men see a group of women, to him it gives off the vibe that the group of women are not gathered to meet and connect with men, but to shield themselves from men, which is not very attractive to men. If you've never seen this movie, please go watch it in its entirety for reference. It takes courage to come and talk to just one woman, but now you showed up with three women; now he has to go and greet, compliment and entertain four women, when he's only interested in one. In addition, men are attracted to confidence; when a man sees a group of women, the message he receives is that the group of women are not secure enough to go places by themselves.
2) You Go Places With A Gay Male
From the outside looking in, what it looks like to a man when he sees a woman with a gay male is that she wants the company of a man, but she isn't willing to reciprocate the value a heterosexual man would want in exchange for his time, leading him to believe that she is emotionally unavailable and not worth the trouble of approaching. There is also a guy code that states when a woman is with a man, whatever man she is with is assumed to be her significant other. Out of sheer respect, another male will most likely not approach a woman who is with another man simply to avoid conflict.
Granted there are instances where a man will test another man's dominance and approach the woman simply to see what the outcome will be, but if your goal is to increase your odds, it is better to avoid unnecessary distractions altogether. I once made the mistake of assuming that a woman who was working out with a man at the gym, was merely her gay male friend. When they parted ways and worked out individually, I approached her, only to find out that the man I thought was gay was actually her husband. The moral of the story is, if you want to increase the likelihood of men approaching you, eliminate any and all possible deterrents.
3) You Aren't Giving Off Positive Vibes
Men value their time and their money, and when there is a person, place or thing that excites them in a positive way, they don't mind invested time, energy, effort and money. However, if for example you're not smiling, you're always dressed in black and do things like wear a hat that covers your eyes, all while wearing sun glasses and head phones... men will be less likely to approach you because he's not inspired to do so. Granted, there will be some men who will see passed this defense mechanism and try to break through, but the amount of time, energy and effort he'll have to put forth will likely be so exhausting that once he gets what he wants out of you, he'll be too annoyed to want to stick around. Better to send off positive vibes from the beginning, attract more quality men and pick and choose from the top of the food chain, not the bottom.
4) You're Not Sexually Stimulating Him
When it comes to men approaching women, know that they are motivated by what they find stimulating to their senses. What this means is, there needs to be something that immediately triggers him whether it be your intellect, the way you look, the way you smell or the way you sound. These sensory elements could both attract and repel him to you. The scent of your perfume can attract him, while your body odor could repel him. The way your dress fits beautifully on your curvaceous body can attract him, while the belly lapping over your belt could repel him. The femininity in your soft/sweet voice can attract him, while masculinity in your harsh/brash voice could repel him (and vice versa for all of the examples given). To get his attention, there needs to be something that is sexually stimulating to him, and not your regular everyday presentation.
5) You Don't Go Out Enough
One thing that is for certain is that men are constantly on the hunt for beautiful women. The women who are most likely to be approached are the ones who actually show up. Men are approaching women at the grocery store, at the gym, at church, at work and anywhere they can increase their chances of getting closer to the opposite sex for entertainment purposes. Working from home has gotten a lot of people comfortable in their own space, but this doesn't help if what your heart desires is intimacy. If you want to increase the likelihood of men approaching you, you must take this step and get yourself out of the house.
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