How To Identify A Man's Character Within The First 0-3 Minutes
Updated: Apr 10
If you want to pinpoint the source by which most relationships fail, at the top of the list would have to be the word "character". Character essentially is the moral qualities of an individual. Every human being on earth has character; some have good character, some had bad character and some have a little bit of both. A person's character influences everything about the person, including the way they walk, talk, dress, think and behave. What's more is, a person's good, bad or ugly character could have a great influence over your life if you allow it.
Whether we'd like to admit it or not, we are heavily influenced by the people and things we are surrounded by. For this reason, we must be protective of the images, sounds, philosophies, values and beliefs that enter our minds. That includes influences from parents, siblings, friends, the media and any source that is not in alignment with the Kingdom mind. The Kingdom mind is simply a place of peace, love and justice; if at any time you feel your peace is being stolen, love is being lost or justice is not being served, this is a sign you are moving further away from the Kingdom. This negative feeling will be the first piece of evidence that you are being led astray.
Your father will be the first model of character in your life, either good, bad or ugly. This will be the first choice in men you will ever have to make. This will be your first application of discernment; Asking yourself, "Is my father a man of good, bad or ugly character?" If he is of ugly character, decide now that you will forgive your father, and at the same time, choose a man who is better than he ever was. If he is of bad character, again you must decide now to forgive your father, and at the same time, choose a man who is better than your father ever could be. If your father is of good character, then you must honor your father by choosing a man who is also of good character, just like the man who raised you.
Your father's responsibility is to be the leader of the Kingdom, serving his wife, children and community; loving, honoring, protecting and providing for them. To be a leader is to be an influence; a man could be a terrible father, husband and person and still be incredibly influential. The right male influence could set you on a path to happiness, wholeness, growth and prosperity. The wrong male influence could set you on a path of misery, brokenness, destruction and failure. Decide now which influence you will choose to follow and procreate with; a good influence, the bad influence or an ugly influence.
In order for a man to successfully lead a wife, children and community, he must live a life that is principle centered, value filled and faith based. Otherwise he will be susceptible to outside negative influences, which will heavily impact how he shows up in the world. When a man is under the negative influence of the world, he seeks to kill, steal and destroy the weak and vulnerable. One of the first things a woman should look for when she encounters a man is what's inside of the man. Who he is on the inside will always influence what he does on the outside.
If your goal is to cultivate a healthy, long-lasting relationship with a man, then you have to begin with the end in mind. If in the end, you want your relationship to be principle centered, value filled and faith based, this will require that you yourself must live by a clear set of principles, values and faith so that you can attract a man who is a reflection of you. If you yourself do not live in accordance to any clear set of principles, values and beliefs, that in itself makes you extremely vulnerable to deception, manipulation and deceit. Resulting in poor choices in men, which leads to valuable time wasted on meaningless dates, dead end relationships, unfruitful marriages and so much more.
A predator (or a man with poor character) can always sense when a woman doesn't live by principles, values or faith. How? Because he too doesn't live by principles, values or faith, which makes it very easy for him to identity "one of his kind". And this is where his hunt begins. You can pretend that you live by principles, you can pretend you have values, you can pretend you have faith, but a true predator will always be able to sniff out a counterfeit, because he too is one. The most promising way to keep a predator away is for you to be able to identify what a predator looks, sounds and acts like.
To understand a predator, is to understand yourself. Predators usually don't target something they don't believe they can conquer, so if they strike they're doing so because they sense a weakness. Are you still looking for a Daddy? Still looking for validation?Are you desperate for a relationship? Tired of being alone? You need someone to tell you that you're pretty? You want someone to lust after your body? Are you addicted to sex? Are you unprotected, not provided for, have no security? These are all unresolved issues Daddy left you with. These are weaknesses that show up in the way you walk, talk, dress, think and behave.
The only person who can't see it, is you. Meanwhile everywhere you go, men are approaching you left and right, trying to get your attention. They're approaching you based off what they believe they can take from you, and they've assessed this all within the first 0-3 minutes of being in contact with you. Before even saying "Hello", he's made up his mind what he wants from you and how he's going to get it. Your job is to use the same 0-3 minutes he used to assess you, to identify if he is good, bad or ugly.
Many men will come into your life, but not every man should be kept in your life. In the beginning, you start off with 100% of the power, and it's up to you how much of that power you give away and how much you preserve for your ideal mate. When a man walks into your life, play the game of catch and release. Catch and release is when you discern whether or not a man has good character within 0-3 minutes of meeting him. If their character is bad or ugly, you release them immediately; if their character is good, you hold onto them. When you are a good judge of character, 0-3 minutes is all the time you need to assess whether or not a man is good, bad or ugly.
The first step to being able to judge a man's character is to be a good judge of your own character. When you hold yourself accountable for your decisions (good, bad or ugly), you'll be able to more efficiently judge the character of others. If you play victim and lay blame on others for every bad decision you've made in life, chances are you won't have the fortitude or discipline to hold others accountable. The end result... you'll be two peas in a pod, avoiding accountability, blaming each other and suffering immensely.
You and you alone have the power to change your destiny and identify the character of a man within 0-3 minutes of meeting him. To do this effectively, you first have to address and identify your own character as a woman. When you become the type of woman who is worthy of being kept, you will be able to quickly and easily identify the type of man you should keep as well as the ones you should release. Followed by owning up to any all decisions you make to entertain a man you knowing identified as having poor character.
Before you can cultivate a healthy relationship with a man, you have to know how to choose the right man. Before you can choose the right man, you have to be the right woman. If you are not the right woman (meaning you don't live by Kingdom principles, values or faith), you will always attract men of ALL types of character who will try to influence you to subscribe to their limiting beliefs. Your job is to protect yourself from these outside sources and discern the good from the bad and the ugly. Your good character+His good character is essential to cultivating a healthy relationship.
If you are not able to discern a man's character within 0-3 minutes of meeting him, this is a sign you are still on a path to spiritual growth. We are all on paths to spiritual growth and there's no shame in it. The key to spiritual growth is to find the right people, information, tools and resources to help keep you on the right path. In my book, Food, Sex & Peace Of Mind: What A Woman Needs To Know To Keep A Man, you will learn how to tap into your true power as a woman, understand the way men think and attract a quality man of substance. Good luck! :)
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