Is Dinner A Good 1st Date? (5 Reasons Why It Isn't)
Updated: Mar 20
When we think about about a first date, there are a lot of things to consider; one of which is the fact that there's a great chance the two of you haven't yet made up your mind about each other and there's still some comfort levels that need to be established. Dinner is a wonderful experience depending on who you're having the experience with. As for a perfect stranger, I recommend something called a "Buffer Date" which I will blog about shortly (Check back in a few days). A buffer date is a brief (30 min) low investment ($10), low key (coffee shop), no pressure (during the daytime) experience to feel the person out and see if there's any desire to invest further.
Once you've gotten passed the buffer date, you want to gauge whether or not the 1st date went well, which I show you how to do in my book Food, Sex & Peace Of Mind: What A Woman Needs To Know To Keep A Man. If the first date went well, then and only then should there be considerations for a more elaborate dating experience such as dinner. Now I know you may be thinking, "Well if the guy wants to take me out to dinner, why can't I accept?" There's nothing wrong with accepting the dinner date, but the goal here is to make sure that a) This is his true character b) This is something he can actually sustain and c) To make sure you actually like the guy.
For the past decade, I've helped single women attract their ideal mate, and one thing I've noticed a great deal is that many single women forfeit the success of their future relationships due to their initial approach. What do I mean by that? In the beginning stages what you want to establish is your values, standards, requirements and boundaries. For a lot of women, that means operating from a scarcity and even entitled mindset; in other words, trying to get the most out of the guy for the least, and as quickly as possible. Not realizing that when a man offers a lot from the beginning, this is usually his representative, which he won't be able to sustain, leaving you greatly disappointed
A better approach would be to look at a man's character, his values, the principles he lives by and his philosophy on life. These things can easily be discerned over the phone and then tested in person. When a woman is looking for a man's character, and determines she is attracted to a man's character, she will find that the simpler the first date, the better, as there will be no fancy distractions he will be able to hide behind. Dating is not just a way to pass time and have fun with whatever guy is available or who is willing to pay. To be successful with dating, you have to become an artist and treat it like a game of chess. In my online course Learn How To Attract Your Ideal Mate In Just 14 Days, students learn the psychology behind how to have a more proactive and fruitful dating experience with men.
If you're getting ready to agree to a first date, and you want more than a one-off, consider scaling back the amount of time, energy and effort by initiating a "Buffer Date". If all you want is a one-off dating experience, disregard this advice completely.
Here are 5 Reasons why dinner on a first date isn't the best idea.
1) It's Too Intimate Too Soon
Dinner is a very intimate experience and if you're just meeting someone for the first time, this might be too great of an investment of time, energy, effort and money. Staring into the eyes of a perfect stranger can be weird, especially if the vibes aren't there. I know it's hard to resist a free meal, but rest assured that there will be more meals to come if the two of you devote more time establishing a relationship/bond in a less formal environment.
2) You Don't Know If You Like Them Yet
Normally when we get together and have dinner (whether it's a home cooked meal or out at a restaurant), it's with someone we actually like. If this is your first date, that is yet to be determined. The last thing you want is to be sitting across the table from a guy and find there are some things about him that you don't like, but you have to wait 20 more minutes for the food to arrive and 20 more minutes to eat. Better to start off with something lower maintenance, which will give you the chance to opt out if the vibes aren't there.
3) You'll Get His Representative
Usually when a man invites a woman out to dinner for the first date, he's trying to impress her. There's nothing wrong with impressing a woman, however beware of his approach, as it me be a portrayal of an experience he is not used to offering and/or is unable to sustain. It's more likely that you will be able to see a man's true identity in an environment where the stakes are lower. For example a meetup at a coffee shop, where nothing costs more than $10 and the dress code is comfortable and casual. This will help you get a better idea of who he is and most importantly what he wants from you.
4) The Financial Investment Is Too High
Take into consideration that both you and the guy are dating multiple people at once. Assume that the both of you have 5 dating options (one for each day of the week) and that dinner for two is $100. For the woman, the meal is free, but for the guy, that's $500/week. And this is investment is all without the guarantee of a return (for the man). Not only is this not affordable for the average guy, but it's also not sustainable.
And for anyone reading this and thinking to themselves "Well I don't want to date an average guy", guess again. Most of the quality men of substance you'll have access to will be average at best. If your goal is to have a long-term dating experience, be mindful of his wallet. One way to do this is by making suggestions that are cost efficient. This will show him you are a valuable asset, which will inspire him to want to date you more.
5) It Takes The Focus Off Each Other
If this is the first date, the goal is to spend more quality time with the person. A great way to ensure that your focus is 100% on the person is by eating before the date. There's nothing worse than being hungry... or hangry when you're on a first date. We all can probably recall a time when we were so famished that we couldn't focus on anything except getting food in our bellies. This can be eliminated by eating before the date, and showing up to the date prepared to engage with the person without any unnecessary distractions. Not to mention, you may not know the person well enough to understand their tastes, preferences and eating habits. Remember ladies, this is only the first date... if you pass the vibe check, there will be more opportunities for dinner, and so many other experiences.
To get the most out your first dating experience, consider going on a "Buffer Date" and keeping it light. Don't worry... you're a whole vibe. Plus, you like reciprocating so it's no big deal for you to invite him on date #2 (which could be dinner if that's your preference). Despise the free lunch; instead... look to create a low key vibe with the guy to feel him out before allowing him to invest more time, energy and effort and vice versa.
Did you find this blog helpful? Comment below and let me know your thoughts.
In the next 14 Days, I want to show you how to attract your ideal mate. Click here to learn how.