Updated: Nov 4
Dating is so much fun when you're doing it with the right person. But with so many options available to everyone online and offline, how do you figure out who the "right person" is? Well that's precisely what I'd like to uncover in this article by introducing you to something I call the Buffer Date. The 3 key elements to a buffer date are: 1) Limit the date to 30 minutes 2) Meet during the daytime 3) Keep it free to low cost. Keep reading as I go into more depth about these 3 elements and how to properly vet the person who qualifies for the Buffer Date.
The reality is... not everyone you meet will be worthy of a date. And yes, being worthy of a date IS a thing. No one (man or woman) is entitled to your creativity, imagination, time, energy, effort, resources or money. Each & every individual who experiences a date with you should 1st be deemed WORTHY!
In my book Food, Sex & Peace Of Mind: What A Woman Needs To Know To Keep A Man, I have a subchapter titled "Ways Of Knowing A 1st Date Went Well". When most women go on a 1st date, they evaluate the date based off of the chemistry on that first date (alone). What I recommend however is to properly vet the person over the phone before the date by asking a series of questions that will help you determine if this person is qualified to be on a date with you. Even before any contact information is exchanged, there needs to be some sort of vetting process for a man to get your phone number. Without this system in place, you may fall subject to exchanging contact info and going out on dates where the vibe isn't there from the beginning, which influences your energy and interaction on the date, which in turn impacts how you feel the date is going.
Now ladies, I know it's tempting for you to take advantage of a man who is offering you free drinks, a free meal or a free experience, but I want you to understand the kind of energy you are putting out into the universe when you do this. Many women today are conditioned to believe that men owe it to a woman to take her out on a date all because he simply finds her attractive. This is entitlement at it's finest, and I want you to take a more affective approach that will actually get you closer to attracting your ideal mate (if that is your goal) or at the very least, getting more dates. To be successful with dating, you have to become an artist and treat it like a game of chess. In my online course Master The Art Of Dating In Just 14 Days, students learn the psychology behind how to have a more proactive and fruitful dating experience with men even if you don't have any previous experience with dating.
By the way, if your goal is simply to take advantage of men and get one-off dates without reciprocating, ignore this advice completely. This advice is for women who want to make the most of their time, create more substantial interactions with men and cultivate healthier relationships. In order to do this, you first have to have integrity and place higher value on your time, energy and your body and not give it away so easily, cheaply and freely. The woman who values herself and her time shows up completely different in her conversation, interaction and relationship with men, and men will respond according to this high value energy.
The woman who is high value through her actions (not just her words) is often too busy walking in her purpose to waste valuable time on a date with a random guy who she is not genuinely interested in. As a high value woman, she attracts quality male admirers in large quantities on a regular basis and can't possibly say yes to everyone. The woman who has low value however, she's easily accessible, readily available and willing to exchange her time for an experience she doesn't have to contribute to financially. The difference between these two women is that the woman with high value would rather pay for her own drinks, meals or experiences because she's operating from a higher frequency, which is commonly known as an abundance mindset. In addition, the woman who has high value is looking to add value when she shows up on the date.
A person with a scarcity mindset behaves like a scavenger who isn't used to receiving; they are ready and willing to take advantage of whatever opportunity they can, just as long as it doesn't cost them anything. It will serve you better to be the woman who carries herself with abundance than the woman who operates from scarcity because whether you realize it or not, the energy will show up in your conversation, word choice, wardrobe and on the date. In the long run, he will treat you based off the vibration you show up with. The underlying principles that I teach my students in my coaching program is that if you want to attract your ideal mate, you first have to make adjustments to your magnet. Because if after all these years of being on earth, you can't attract ONE person who is right for you, the issue 100% is YOU!
Now that we've established the character of a woman who is ready to date, lets talk about the "Buffer Date". First and foremost, dating is for two individuals who are either already in a relationship, or at least see each other as potential and want to create an experience together that will allow them to test the vibes in person. So, if your goal isn't to show your significant other a good time, or vet someone for a relationship, dating is counter-productive. However, if you are seriously pursuing a relationship and are going through the vetting process with multiple candidates, I highly recommend taking the buffer date approach.
Before any date ever takes place, you should always pre-qualify the guy over the phone, by asking him all of the questions I lay out for you in my book Dating Manual For Single Women: 30 Steps To Take Before A 1st Date.
For the buffer date, I recommend scheduling a 30 minute "meet up" someplace public, free or under $10 and if possible, during the daytime. Why is this important?
30-minute Time Slot
Scheduling a 30-minute time slot will give off the impression that you are of high value, not easily accessible or attainable, which will increase the value on your time. It will also give you an out if the chemistry and vibes aren't there. If the vibes are there, you can build anticipation for the more exciting date (next time) by cutting the buffer date short. Or perhaps even give them 15-30 more minutes of your time before insisting that you have to get to your next appointment.
Meeting someplace public and during the daytime helps you maintain your position of power by setting the tone and mood in a friendly, non-sexual and casual setting. This is a masterful approach because it will require him to make a genuine effort to make it happen. It may even require him to rearrange his schedule, cancel some things or even take time off from work just to accommodate you. Can you feel the excitement yet? THIS is the type of energy you want from a man who is pursuing you. Remember ladies, this is JUST THE BUFFER DATE! Please trust this process. It is not necessary to go for the jugular (an elaborate date) on the very first date.
Keeping the cost free or under $10 reduces financial stress and strain and makes it easier for the two of you to focus on the energy. On the next date, if there's still interest, more of an investment can be made. For the guy, this will prove to be extremely valuable and will inspire him to want to spend more time with you. If from the very beginning you can evidence to him that you are genuinely interested in a connection with him and not just for what he can do for you, he will want to invest more in you without you ever prompting him to. Not all of the dates will be free, low cost or outdoors, but this is a great start that will hopefully lead to a great build up.
The best part about setting up a buffer date is that it only lasts 30 minutes, costs less than $10, and was during the daytime, so you still have the evening to schedule time with someone else. Not to mention, there was no major sacrifice or loss on either side so if sparks didn't fly, there's no pressure or sense of obligation to move forward. You can either communicate how you're feeling about each other and moving forward right there on the buffer date or communicate it via text/phone call, then dust yourself off and try again with someone new. If you want to know how to get to date #2, click here to read my latest blog How To Guarantee An Amazing Second Date.
Did you find this blog helpful? Comment below and let me know your thoughts.
If you are a single woman who wants to learn how to attract your ideal mate, our coaching program is for you. In this program, we teach single women how to attract their ideal mate in just 90 days through our proven, logical, and practical approach. And we believe they will also work for you. Spots are limited. To learn more and to apply go to www.AttractMyIdealMate.com