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The Difference Between Your Type & Your Ideal Mate

Updated: Mar 20

Have you ever wondered why the men you find the most attractive are usually the hardest to get and keep? Yet the guys who are always there for you, care for you, are supportive, loving and offer actual substance fall off your radar? Well first, lets give a name to both the guys we've just described. The men you find the most attractive, we'll call him your "type"; he's the guy who stimulates you mentally and physically. The men you would consider to be substantial, we'll call him your "ideal mate"; he's the guy who offers the most value to your life.

With so many things demanding our time like school, work, family, social life, etc, life can be challenging, and sometimes we look for ways to escape our reality just so we can feel a sense of relief. In other words, we naturally look for mental and physical stimulation to make us feel better. There are many ways to do this, and my research has shown that for many women, mental stimulation from a man who excites her is considered to be wildly attractive. To do this effectively though, a man must truly understand what a woman are attracted to.

Once he figures this out, he uses these newfound tools with great precision to get the results that he wants (usually sex, money and/or resources). Some of these tools include but are not limited to mystery, adventure, ambiguity, danger, unpredictable, excitement, pleasure and even pain. We've all seen this demonstrated either on television, at school or in our neighborhood where there's a guy who is selfish, self-centered, narcissistic, cocky, arrogant, and even a bit of a A-hole. Yet the women can't get enough of him.

He's unabashedly non-committal, wildly flirtatious, incredibly charming, but is a beast that cannot be tamed. And these are characteristics that magnetize women to him. Have you ever fallen for this "type" before? There's no shame in falling victim to someone you felt a strong desire for, even if they were no good for you. We are all human, and feeling is what we do. The danger comes when we allow our feelings to overshadow our reason. Resulting in a wild pursuit to tame someone who does not want to be tamed.

Doomed from the very beginning, your pride and ego tells you to keep hoping, praying and wishing he will change (for you), only to suffer longs years of inevitable disappointment, anguish and pain, as will many others who try to force a square into a circle. The reason for the constant resistance and damnation is... this person is and never was ideal for your life. They were simply someone you felt something for, and you allowed your feelings to govern your actions. As opposed to using discernment and allowing logic and reason to guide your steps.

By the time your type is done with you, you might need meditation, prayer, a paster, a therapist, a life coach and an exorcist after all the emotional damage they've caused. Only to leave you back where you started... single, living an ordinary life, mingling with ordinary people who live ordinary lives, and being pursued by ordinary men who have always seen value in you, but were overlooked and abandoned by you simply because you felt they were boring.

One thing that can be said about your ideal mate is that he is everything but boring. What he offers is a different kind of value than your type ever could. What your ideal mate brings to the table isn't always glamorous, glittery or shiny. Instead, what he often presents is what can't be seen on the surface, but will be felt in your heart. He provides substance in the form of safety, security and provision, which can in fact be considered simple, but far from boring.

Women who engage only in men who we've described as their type often spend years trying to feel safe and secure with him, and usually never do. In some cases, a woman's type provides financial security, but not love, hope or inspiration. After years of loyalty to her type, the end result is often a feeling of regret for wasting so much valuable time, a feeling of hopelessness after giving so much of herself and getting so little in return, and also a state of confusion... trying to figure out where things went wrong and why she can't stop entertaining these same types of men who have proven over and over not to be any good for her.

It's the THRILL! It's addictive and sometimes irresistible. But here's the good news ladies. That dopamine hit that you're looking for can be created with your ideal mate. For every reason you so passionately pursued your type because he was mysterious, adventurous, ambiguous, dangerous, unpredictable, exciting, and offers a bit of pleasure and pain, you will be happy to know that these are also qualities that men find to be wildly attractive as well. But here's the caveat; the idea isn't to use these characteristics in a toxic or dysfunctional way. But rather to use these tools to compliment your relationship with the guy who is ideal for your life.

So now, you get the safety, security, the provision, the love, and the leadership, while occasionally inviting him on a trip to your wild side. If this ideal mate is someone you would consider to be boring, rest assured the relationship will now be full of excitement with all the healthy, entertaining theatrics you'll be bringing to the table. Your ideal mate might not necessarily be mysterious, adventurous, ambiguous, dangerous, unpredictable, or exciting, but neither is real life. That's the illusion your type creating in your mind, which was unsustainable in real life.

To get the best out of life and avoid the pain and suffering that comes from the unpredictability your type offers, focus your time, energy and attention on men who are ideal for your life.

Did you find this blog helpful? Comment below and let me know your thoughts.

In the next 14 Days, I want to show you how to attract your ideal mate. Click here to learn how.

With Love,

Cheyenne Bostock

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